PARSHAT VAYIGASH

 (5768)

 

JOSEPH AND HIS FATHER

 

“Joseph ordered his chariot and went to Goshen to meet his father Israel; he presented himself to him and, embracing him around the neck, he wept on his neck a good while.”           

                                                                        (Genesis 46:29)

 

            There is one unanswered question that troubles many of us as we read through the Joseph story each year.  Why did Joseph make no attempt to contact his father Jacob and tell him that he was alive?  He knew how much his father must be suffering at his disappearance.  One can understand when Joseph was a slave or when he was in prison, that such contact was impossible.  But once Joseph became the second most powerful man in Egypt, why not a quick note sent by caravan.

            One answer I have heard is that perhaps Joseph blamed his father for his fate down in Egypt.  And yet this idea is missing from the text.  When Jacob finally came to Egypt, Joseph rode in his chariot to meet him.  Usually the second most powerful man would expect a visitor to come to him; Joseph went to his father.  The Torah describes him weeping on his father’s neck.  Why all the emotions from a man who did not try to contact his father for years?

            I believe I have an answer.  It is the nature of children to leave home, go about their busy lives, and sadly, sometimes ignore their parents.  The Torah wants children to leave home.  “A man shall leave his mother and father…”   But the Torah also wants children, once they leave, to turn back and honor the parents they left behind.  But children get busy with their own lives.  Calling home is neglected and soon forgotten.  I can picture Joseph thinking that he ought to try to contact his father, but there was food to be gathered and people to be fed.  Like so many children both in Biblical times and today, he simply was too busy and lost touch.

            It is a mistake many children make.  I know this because I made this mistake when I was young.  I remember when I was in my early twenties, a busy graduate student and Hebrew school teacher, receiving a call from my father.  “Did you know that your mother had surgery last week and never even heard from you!”  The reprimand hit home, because it still stings over thirty years later.  Fortunately, I was able to turn back to my parents and maintain a wonderful relationship with them as an adult through the remainder of their lives.  But I had to learn the lesson.

            I think all young people need to learn this lesson.  We need to leave home, establish our identities, find a career, meet a life partner, and find our own way.  This is the way of the world.  But part of what makes us human is the obligation to honor those who raised us, gave us values, and prepared us to go into the world.  We need to keep in touch and make sure our parents are taken care of.  And we need to give them the appropriate honor they deserve.

            A reality of life in Florida is the number of seniors I meet who tell me they have little or no contact with their children.  I ask, “Do your children call?  Do your children visit?”   And these seniors make excuses.  “They live such busy lives, I do not hear from them.  They have their own family, their own career.”   It is the Joseph story played out in a new generation.  And it is deeply sad.

            Joseph lived in an age when the only way to contact his father was sending a message by caravan.  We live in an age of telephones and email and airplanes that can take us anywhere in the world.  Children have an obligation to their parents to keep in touch, and to give them proper honor.  After all, the Torah is not simply a book about individual achievement.  It is a book about the generations.  Perfecting this world can only happen over the course of generations.  And that is why the link between parents and children is so vital.

           

           

PARSHAT VAYIGASH

(5766)

 

IN THE ‘HOOD

 

“So when Pharaoh summons you and asks, what is your occupation, you shall answer, your servants have been breeders of livestock from the start until now, both we and our fathers – so that you may stay in the region of Goshen.  For all shepherds are abhorrent to Egyptians.”                                (Genesis 46:33-34)

           

I had a strange experience last week.  A rap artist was taping a music video in one of the classier, gated neighborhoods nearby.  My sixteen-year-old son had gone to watch.  When I drove over to pick him up, there was a large crowd and a number of cars so I parked way down the street.  I walked up wearing my “rabbi uniform,” a yarmulke, suit, and tie.  As I was walking up the street, one of the crew said, “Keep walking as you are.  Just don’t look at the camera.”  Sure enough, I discovered that I was being filmed.

            So now there is some chance that I will make it into a rap video.  (For those who follow such things, it was the Mike Jones remake of “I’m in love with a stripper.”  No, I did not see either Mr. Jones or the stripper.)

            In truth, I am not a lover of rap music.  In fact, my son who is an avid fan and I have been having an ongoing fight.  Every time he puts on the music, I complain about the foul language that seems to make up a good percentage of the lyrics.  My son responds, “Dad, all rap music has bad language.  Why don’t you listen to the words?”  I realized that my son has a point.  I was judging the language and ignoring the words.  Part of the problem was that I did not understand many of the lyrics.  But a bigger part is that I am from a different world and different culture than these rap artists.  I come from the material comforts of white suburbia.  And it is hard for me to relate to the ‘hood, those who grew up in a world of poverty, drug abuse, violence, and family breakdown. 

            Following my son’s advice, I recently searched for some of the lyrics on the Internet.  I will admit that I still have difficulty getting past the language, and past some of the violence and misogyny.  But underneath I found some rap artists who were portraying wonderful messages, messages that are universal for every culture.  In particular, a number of songs deal with the importance that a loving mother can have in helping a child overcome adversity and move beyond difficult surroundings.  There are songs about the role of love in making people successful, particularly those born into difficult circumstances.  For the first time, I saw past the lyrics and began to understand the appeal of this kind of music.

            I am not about to run out and buy the newest rap CDs.  And I am sure that many in the ‘hood will not understand my love of Classical Music, Broadway Show Tunes, and Hebrew songs.  There are cultural differences.  Part of what makes us human is our individual cultural backgrounds.  Culture is wonderful.  But culture can also lead to myopia.  We fail to appreciate those whose culture is different from our own.

            This week’s Torah reading has a perfect example of cultural myopia.  The Israelites have been shepherds from time immemorial.  When they come to Egypt, Joseph tells his father and his brothers to admit to Pharaoh that they are shepherds.  The entire culture of shepherding was held in low esteem and abhorrent to the Egyptians.  The Egyptians, upon hearing that the Israelites are shepherds, send them to live in the land of Goshen, separating from the main population of Egypt.  One could say that their sojourn in Goshen helped the Israelites maintained their cultural identity.  But quite possibly, it led to slavery and oppression. 

            My son wanted me to look beyond the bad language and hear the message of these rap artists.  The Egyptians needed to look beyond the shepherd culture to see the true beauty of the Israelites way of life.  Perhaps the message is that we humans must maintain our own cultural identity, and at the same time learn to look beyond ourselves..  Our goal is not a melting pot, where we all combine into one homogenized, bland culture.  Rather, it is a salad bowl where a variety of cultures maintain their identity while interacting with other cultures.

            We just finished the festival of Hanukkah.  The theme of Hanukkah is the survival of a small minority culture in the midst of the great Hellenistic empire.  First, we need to make sure our culture survives.  Then we need to end our cultural myopia, and learn to appreciate what other cultures have to offer.  For whatever our cultural background, underneath we have a shared humanity.

 

 

 

PARSHAT VAYIGASH

 (5764)

 

GOD: DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN?

 

"And when harvest comes, you shall give one-fifth to Pharaoh, and four-fifths shall be yours as seed for the fields and as food for you and those in your households, and as nourishment for your children."

(Genesis 47:24)

 

Is God a Democrat or a Republican?  In Israel, is God Labor or Likud?  In other countries, is God a liberal or a conservative?  I have many Jewish friends who insist God is a registered Democrat, and for a Jew to vote Republican is the religious equivalent of eating on Yom Kippur.  On the other hand, I have met some Jews, and many Christians for whom G.O.P. (a nickname for the Republican party) means God's Only Party.

I recently tried to explain to my daughter, who was registering to vote for the first time, the difference between the Democratic and Republican Party.  It is difficult, because both parties are broad coalitions that represent a variety of ideas, often contradictory.  However, I believe there is an essential idea which marks each party.

For modern Republicans, the idea is limited government and lower taxes.  By limiting government spending and regulations, individuals and businesses can keep more of their money and prosper in their business dealings.  The result is economic prosperity, which boosts the standard of living for everybody.  A rising tide raises all ships.  To quote what many of my Republican friends often say, "No society ever taxed its way to prosperity." 

For modern Democrats, such limited governments leave too many members of society vulnerable, unable to probably provide for themselves.  Government must provide a broad safety net for the most poor and vulnerable members of society.  If that means higher taxes paid by the wealthy, so be it.   To Democrats, the rising tide of economic prosperity, rather than lifting everybody, leaves too many people behind.  To quote what many of my Democratic friends often say, "A society must be judged by how it treats its children, its elderly, and its poor."

So who is right?  One is immediately reminded of the old Jewish joke of two men arguing before the rabbi.  The rabbi turns to the first one and says, "You're right."  He then tells the second, "You're right."  A third person asks the rabbi, how can they both be right?   The rabbi replies, "You're right too."  In truth, both sides are right.  Low taxes may help businesses to prosper, but it leaves no money for the needs of those most vulnerable.  High taxes can stifle an economy and drive businesses and those most prosperous away from the community.  (Ask the people in California.)  So both are right.   A reasonable level of taxes must carefully be negotiated to find a level that is fair, does not undermine prosperity, and protects those most in need.

How do we find the level?  There is a hint in this week's portion.  Famine had struck the land of Egypt, and Joseph as chief administrator had confiscated all the land and property in exchange for food for the masses.  He created feudalism, with the government owning everything and the people as mere serfs working the land.  But Joseph realized that people will work very hard for themselves and their families.  They will not work hard for society as a whole.  So Joseph promulgated a new ruling.

In the future, the mass of people will be given land to work.  Twenty percent of their earnings will go to the government for the public weal.  The other eighty percent can be kept by families for their own prosperity.  Joseph set the taxation rate at twenty percent as a fair number for society to prosper.

Is twenty percent still an applicable number today?  Many conservatives would say yes.  But many would say that we are far more dependent on the government today for security, education, welfare, and public works, and so the number must be higher.  But again, set the tax rate too high and prosperity is undermined.

Tax policy is a clash between two very real values.  There is the value of being a provider, working hard for one's self and one's family.  And there is the value of providing for society as a whole, the children, the elderly, the poor, the sick.  Politicians of both parties must set a tax policy which supports both these values.  When Democrats and Republicans in the United States, or liberals and conservatives in other countries, work together to build such a policy, together they will be doing God's work.

  

 

PARSHAT VAYIGASH

(5763)

 

TOGETHER FOREVER

 

“Now if I come to your servant my father and the boy is not with us, for his soul is connected to his soul, when he sees that the boy is not with us he will die.”

(Genesis 44:30-31)

 

Living in south Florida, I spend too much time in cemeteries.  I often look at the memorial stones and contemplate about life.  How often are a husband and wife buried next to one another, with the words Together Forever.  What do these words mean?

Certainly, their physical remains have been laid next to each other.  But these physical remains are mere material, and nothing material is forever.  The words Together Forever mean something far more spiritual.  Two souls, the part of two human beings which goes beyond the material, are connected throughout eternity.

I saw such a connection in my own parents.  My mother and father were married for forty six years when my mother lost her battle with cancer.  My father, always a strong vital man, began to go downhill during the shiva (mourning) period.  We had to rush him out of shiva to the emergency room.  My dad lived for a year and a half without my mom, but physically he was never the same.  Finally he passed away, and joined her in a spiritual sense.

This is the dream of so many of us, to find a soul mate that we are so connected with that on a spiritual level, we are Together Forever.  In fact, according to the kabbalistic tradition in Judaism, a soul is neither male nor female in the spiritual world.  Only when born into this world does the male and the female split from one another and enter different bodies.  The Talmud teaches, “Forty days before the creation of a child, a voice proclaims in heaven so-and-so’s daughter for so-and-so’s son.”  (Sotah 2a)  If we are lucky, we find our beshert, our intended soul mate.  And if we treat him or her correctly, we can build a relationship that goes beyond this material world.

This week’s portion has a beautiful phrase regarding love.  It says regarding Jacob and his son Benjamin nafsho keshura benafsho, “his soul is connected to his soul.”  It speaks of a father and son whose souls are so connected that one cannot live without the other.  It speaks of a deep spiritual connection between two souls, where each needs the other to succeed in this world.

According to kabbalistic tradition, every soul is connected to every other soul as every soul is connected to God.  That is why our actions not only affect others, but have cosmic significance.  Beyond this connection, certain souls have a deep and profound relationship that encompasses both this material world and the spiritual world beyond this one.  Sometimes the link is between the souls of two lovers, already chosen for one another before they were born.

Sometimes this link is between a parent and a child.  Another kabbalistic teaching is that the soul of a child chooses the souls of parents best able to prepare that child for his or her particular mission.  As an adoptive parent, I have lectured to adoption groups throughout the country.  I often teach that God brings the right child to the right parents at the right time.  There can be a spiritual connection between a parent and a child, even when there is no biological relationship.

Sometimes the soulful connection is between friends rather than family.  The Talmud speaks of the love between David and Jonathan.  Their love was truly unconditional, a love that could never be overturned.  (Some modern authors have seen a homosexual undercurrent to their love, but I do not see it in the text.)  The Bible says of the relationship “the soul of Jonathan was bound with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”  (1 Samuel 18:1)  Jonathan would sacrifice the kingship to save David’s life.

If we are lucky, there are souls in the world to whom we are connected on a deep, spiritual level.  It may be our spouse, our child, or our friend.  When such a connection exists, our actions affect them and their actions affect us in a profound way.  We are different because they exist.  Such love exists beyond this world.  With such a soul mate, we can truly be Together Forever.

Parshat Vayigash

(5762)

 

The Limits of Love

 

“If I come to your servant my father and the boy is not with us B since his soul is bound up with his soul.”                      

                                                            (Genesis 44:30)

We live in a society that worships love.  One of the most beautiful phrases to describe love is found at the beginning of this week’s portion.  The Torah speaks of the love between the father Jacob and his youngest son Benjamin.  The Hebrew phrase is nefsho keshora benafsho “his soul is bound up to his soul." 

The Bible also uses this image of two souls bound together in love to describe the deep affinity between two dear friends David and Jonathan.  “The soul of Jonathan was bound to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”  (Samuel 18:1)   The Bible is speaking of more than a relationship; it is referring to an enduring love between two human beings.  When two souls are bound together, it is a deep and profound experience.

The Bible teaches that God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.”  (Genesis 2:18)  Everything God made in the universe is good, the universe itself is very good.  Only one thing is judged as not good, for a human being to be alone.  We humans need other people.  As the Beatles put it, “All you need is love.”  And the highest form of love is when a soul is tied to another soul.

Such love can be beautiful and life affirming.  However, like all things in life, there is a down side.  When one human being is so connected to another that the other has power over them, it can sometimes become extremely destructive.  When one person’s very soul is dependent upon the actions of another, one person has power over another that can become unhealthy.

I spoke to a man recently whose soul is deeply connected to his daughter, now a young adult.  Unfortunately, his daughter has been behaving inappropriately over the past several years, causing great heartache and grief to this man.  Part of my counseling was to tell the man that he is not responsible for his daughter’s behavior.  He cannot give his daughter the power to destroy him.  By letting go, loosening the bond, he was able to love his daughter that much more.

The same kind of problem occurs when we are so bound to our spouse or our lover that they have power over our very being.  How often have I seen a man or woman die after a long, wonderful marriage, and almost immediately their partner also dies.   (My father became sick at shiva for my mother, never recovered, and died less than two years later.)  Their souls are so bound together that they cannot live apart.  In a way, there is something very life moving about such a relationship.  But it also deeply sad when any human being stops living because another human being is no longer around.  

Love is powerful.  It is never good to be alone.  But for love to work, we first need a strong sense of self-esteem.  We cannot love others until we love ourselves.  When our soul is so tied to another that our very survival depends on that person, it gives another a power over us.  This power over another can be destructive, whether the other is our child, our friend, our spouse, or our lover.   When our soul becomes dependent on the actions of another, it abdicates some of our responsibility to care for ourselves.

At the end of a wedding feast, it is customary to repeat the seven wedding blessings over two cups of wine.  This symbolizes two people joining together.  But each cup is full, symbolizing self-sufficiency, showing that both the bride and the groom can stand on their own, each with a strong sense of self.  Only then are the two cups poured together, showing two individuals tying their fate and their souls to one another.   It is not a co-dependent relationship, but the love of two strong individuals.  This is the love that God speaks of when God says, “It is not good for man to be alone.”  This is the healthy way for one soul to be bound to another soul.

 

PARSHAT VAYIGASH

(5761)

 

ALTRUISM

 

A"Then Judah went up to him and said, please my lord, let your servant appeal to my lord."   

  (Genesis 44:18)

 

Judah steps forward and delivers a passionate speech to rescue his brother Benjamin after Benjamin has been accused of stealing a valuable goblet.  In doing so, he puts his own life on the line.  Judah could be arrested on the spot.  It certainly would have been easier to walk away, let Benjamin be arrested, and go on with his life.

This is the perfect opportunity to speak about altruism.  What would motivate someone to come forward and put his or her own life and self-interest on the line to help someone else?  Why should we sacrifice for others?  After all, our own survival ought to be our ultimate concern.

Altruistic behavior has puzzled biologists and other scientists.  Many scientists accept a purely material view of life.  They accept as gospel Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest.  Organisms do whatever is necessary to survive and flourish.  Seemingly, it is illogical to sacrifice themselves for the needs of others.  Certainly bees, ants, and certain other species do practice self-sacrifice, often trading their own lives for the good of the nest or hive.  But can this behavior be applied to higher organisms, especially human beings?

Zoologist Richard Dawkins, in his book The Selfish Gene, writes “The argument of this book is that we, and all other animals, are machines created by our genes.   This entitles us to expect certain qualities in our genes.  I shall argue that a predominant quality to be expected in a successful gene is ruthless selfishness.  This gene selfishness will usually give rise to selfishness in individual behavior.  However, there are special circumstances in which a gene can achieve its own selfish goals best by fostering a limited form of altruism at the level of individual animals.   'Special’ and  'limited’ are important words in the last sentence.  Much as we might wish to believe otherwise, universal love and the welfare of the species as a whole are concepts that simply do not make evolutionary sense.”

Biologically, a gene will do what is necessary to protect itself.  It may also protect its own closest biological relatives because they share genes.  But the gene is not concerned with helping others, the stranger, those who are most biologically distant.  If we accept the brutal, materialistic view of the world, there is little motivation to move beyond one’s own family to help others.

A religious outlook would reject the materialistic view of Dawkins and other biologists.  We are more than our genes, more than the physical matter from which our bodies are built.  We contain not only the dust of the earth but the breath of God.  Every human being is created in the image of God, and every human being deserves our love and protection.  The Torah teaches, ‘Do not stand idly by your brother’s blood.’  (Leviticus 19:16)  The term brother means more than our biological brother.  All humans are our brothers and sisters.  ‘Have we not all one father?  Have not one God created us?’  (Malachi 2:10)

A religious outlook means we care for the needs of our fellow human beings, even if there is some personal cost to us.  We share our food with the hungry, even if it leaves us less to eat.  We visit the sick, even if it makes us uncomfortable.  We comfort the mourners, even if it makes us sad.  We rescue captives, even if it involves some personal danger.  We give of our money to help those in need, even if we would prefer to spend it for our own selves.  These rules are true for our family, for our neighbors, for the greater community, and especially for the stranger.

The danger with the scientific, materialistic view of human nature is it easy to view the world simply as survival of the fittest.  Altruistic behavior may be limited to what will perpetuate our own genes.  The Torah comes along to teach us that we are more than ‘machines created by our genes.’   We are God’s creation and we carry within us the very breath of our Creator.  That gives us responsibilities towards our fellow humans.