PARSHAT VAYETZE

(5768)

 

ILLNESS

“When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said to Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.”                               (Genesis 30:1)

 

            Rachel, Jacob’s beloved wife, suffered from infertility.  She was in such pain that she cried out to God, “Give me children or else I die.”  From this, the Rabbis of the Talmud learned that to be without children is a kind of a death.  In fact, whenever our bodies do not work in the way that they were designed it is a kind of a death.

            We go through life expecting that our bodies will function the way God designed them.  For most of us, at some time in our lives, something goes wrong.  We deal with pain, illness, suffering, perhaps a serious disease or a chronic condition.  It is a kind of death.  But like any death, there is a limit to mourning.  And there can be healing in the end.  By healing I do not necessarily mean a cure.  Healing is more an attitude, a way of making our peace and learning to live with a body that does not work the way we expect.

            My wife Evelyn and I went through the emotions of a kind of death followed by healing many years ago when we suffered through infertility and built a family through adoption.  For the past several months we have been going through a difficult time again.  This time Evelyn has been coping with an unexplained illness.  This includes chronic pain on her right side, swelling in her knee, and a loss of balance that has caused her to fall a few times.  We have run to various doctors and two visits to the emergency room.  So far her primary physician believes the issue is treatable and not permanent.  There are more doctors to see and we are waiting for test results..

            The emotions are what one would expect when the body disappoints us.  Questions of why mingle with anger, fear, and frustration.  Doctors have been kind but doctors’ offices are not always pleasant places to spend time, and hours in hospital emergency rooms can be exhausting.  We understand why the rabbis see this kind of suffering as a kind of death.  We are mourning a body that does not work properly.  At the same time we are well aware that we are relatively blessed; others have it far worse.  We have a supportive family and community and a great deal of hope that healing will come soon.

            Luckily, Evelyn’s disability is not constant and she is able to go about her business.  Recently, quite unexpectedly she bought herself a new car.  She had been driving a tiny little car we had bought a number of years ago for our daughter Aliza.  Evelyn realized that some of her pain was caused by manipulating in and out of that tiny front seat.  So I received a surprising message from my wife, “I am at the car dealer buying a bigger car.”  She proudly drove home with her new Mitsubishi and it seemed to lift her spirits, until the pain came back a few hours later.

            The next day she showed the new car to a friend of ours, a young healthy woman we know.  The young woman was immediately envious.  “I wish I could afford a car like that.”   Evelyn responded with words I believe we have all felt.  “I will make you a deal.   I will trade you my new car for your good health.”  And she meant those words.  There is no greater gift than a body that works properly. 

            I know Evelyn and I will find some healing.  We of ten think about the beautiful twenty-third Psalm, “Though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death.”  The key words there are that we “walk through.”  We will come out the other end.  And like Rachel in the Bible who was eventually blessed with two children, we will come out stronger.  The great Biblical faiths Judaism and Christianity teach that out of death comes rebirth.  For all those readers out there who are ill, may God grant you healing.

 

 

PARSHAT VAYETZE

 (5766)

 

INTELLIGENT DESIGN

 

“Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, Surely God is present in this place and I did not know it.”                                     (Genesis 28:16)

 

            There is a great public debate today about intelligent design and evolution.   Is intelligent design a way to sneak religion into science classes in the public schools?   Is it creationism in disguise?   Or is it a legitimate scientific option that ought to be taught side by side with Darwin’s theory of evolution?  I have very strong thoughts on this issue – thoughts that may surprise people on both sides.

            What is intelligent design?  Darwin taught that all forms of life developed gradually over the eons through tiny changes and natural selection; those changes most conducive to survival flourished as those individuals had offspring.  Intelligent design questions this idea.  Certain bodily organs are “irreducibly complex.”  For example, the pieces of the eye are so complicated and work together so well, that there is no way an eye could evolve from more primitive forms.  Unless there was an intelligent designer behind it, tiny changes could never form an eye.  (One of the best accounts of intelligent design is Michael Behe’s book Darwin’s Black Box.  He wrote, “An irreducibly complex system cannot be produced directly by numerous, successive, slight modifications of a precursor system, because any precursor to an irreducibly complex system that is missing a part is by definition nonfunctional.”)

            Intelligent Design is a powerful idea that goes far beyond mere creationism.  It is not Christianity in disguise; intelligent design theorists are not saying the first chapter of Genesis is true.  They are simply saying that evolution as it has traditionally been understood cannot explain irreducibly complex phenomena.  There must be a designer; we can give that designer whatever name we wish - God, the Force, the Spirit of the Universe, Ein Sof.   I believe what they are saying is correct; the universe was designed.  But I also believe that it is not science, and does not belong in a science textbook.

            To be science, a theory has to be falsifiable.  (This is based on the work of philosopher of science Karl Popper.)  It must be possible to conceive an experiment that would prove the theory false.  (For example, we all know gravity is true.  If I could find a way to get a stone to float in the air and not fall to earth, it would falsify the laws of gravity.  We would have to come up with some new law.)  Here is the problem – how do you falsify intelligent design?  If you could come up with a more primitive eye that might have evolved into our modern eye, intelligent design advocates would simply find some other example of an irreducibly complex organ. 

            Now we get to the heart of my argument.  Intelligent Design may be true, but it is not science.  As a religious Jew, I understand that not all truth comes from science.  There are many phenomena in the universe which are true but beyond the realm of science – God, love, courage, meaning, ethics, beauty, etc. 

            Is evolution true?  I believe the way many scientists teach Darwin also goes beyond science.  It is one thing to teach that gradual changes happened over millennia resulting in all forms of life.  It is quite another to say that such changes are random, material processes, and the presence of all life forms including humans is no more than a random roll of the dice.  (For an example, see Richard Dawkins’ book The Blind Watchmaker for such an approach.)  It a science textbook teaches that we are here by random chance, living in a cold, unfeeling cosmos, it is going beyond the realm of science and entering the realm of philosophy. 

            Evolution and natural selection explain the variety of life on earth and are valid scientific arguments.  They should be taught.  Intelligent Design on one hand, and blind materialism on the other hand, are philosophies rather than science.  They should be taught as philosophy or as religion, but neither should be taught as science.

            If evolution is true, where is God?   In this week’s portion, Jacob dreams of a ladder reaching from a rock to the heavens, with angels going up and down.  He exclaims, “Surely God is present in this place and I did not know it.”  Like Jacob, we see a natural process like evolution leading to a variety of life on earth.  We step back and suddenly realize, this is the hand of God.  It is not a question of science; it is a question of faith.  Science is important.  But there are some questions that science can never answer.  That is why we turn to religion.

           

 

 

PARSHAT VAYETZE

 (5764)

 

ROMANTIC LOVE

 

"Jacob loved Rachel, so he answered, I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel."

                                                               (Genesis 29:18)

    

 We live in a culture that idealizes romantic love.  Our popular music, our movies, our television shows, are built around the dream that we will fall madly in love.  In any bookstore there is a huge section of fiction called Romance, which tell the story of Prince Charming rescuing Cinderella and living happily ever after.  We all dream of the day when, to quote the famous words of Oscar Hammerstein, "Some Enchanted Evening, You will see a stranger, across a crowded room.  Then fly to her side and make her your own, or all through your life you will dream on alone."

Note the use of the phrase "fall in love."  The very term implies something that happens to us, something over which we have no control, a force that grabs us like gravity and causes us to lose restraint.  Over and over I have a certain conversation with our young people.  I speak to them about the kind of person I want them to marry.  And they answer, "Rabbi, how do I know whom I will fall in love with?"   It is as if love is a random force that grabs us unexpectedly and brings us face to face with our beloved.  We either grab the moment, or spend the rest of our lives alone.

The dream is nice, but is that how the world really works?  This week's portion has the first example in the Torah of young people falling madly in love.  Jacob spotted Rachel bringing her father's sheep to the well.   With a new found strength, he ran over and rolled a large rock off the well, and then kissed her.  He agreed to work seven years for her father to receive her hand in marriage, years that seemed like a few days because of his love for her.  Then, when his father gave him the older sister in marriage in her place, he had to work a second set of seven years.  Jacob had fallen hopelessly, madly in love with the beautiful Rachel.

One would think that based on their deep love, they would have the perfect marriage.  Unfortunately, it was not to be.  Rachel complained bitterly about her infertility.  "Give me children or else I will die."  (Genesis 30:1)  Rather than embrace his wife lovingly, Jacob answered with insensitivity and anger.  "Am I in God's stead to give you children?"  Jacob's father Isaac had prayed across the room from his wife Rebecca when they were infertile, but there is no similar scene of Jacob and Rachel praying for each other.  Later when Hannah wept at her infertility, her husband Elkanah embraced her, "Hannah why are you crying and why aren't you eating?  Why are you so sad?  Am I not more devoted to you than ten sons."  (1 Samuel 1:8)  There are no similar words of devotion by Jacob.  He seemed annoyed at her infertility.

At end of his life, Jacob told his sons where to bury him.  He asked to spend eternity not on the road outside Bethlehem next to his beloved Rachel.   Rather, he wanted to be buried next to his first wife Leah, mother of his oldest children, in the Cave of Machpelah.   Like his father and grandfather before him, his burial place reflects the eternity of his first marriage rather than the overwhelming romance of his second.

In our country we worship romantic love.  I believe such a view of love is not healthy for our marriages nor for our family life.  I have performed hundreds of weddings in my career.  Two beautiful young people stand before me and commit themselves to one another.  They are always so madly in love.  And yet I know that a large percentage of these marriages will not succeed.  Statisticians teach that 50% of couples will eventually divorce.  I hope my percentage is better than this, but I know that, unlike the pop song, love will not necessarily keep us together.

Perhaps we need something more than romantic love.  Perhaps it is not enough to fall in love with someone, before we really get to know the other person.  Perhaps we must tell our young people that love is a decision that must be made slowly and carefully.  Perhaps we need to emphasize that true love is not something out of our control, but something we can choose after serious consideration.  Love is more than romance.  If only our culture would learn this important lesson.

 

 

PARSHAT VAYETZE

(5763)

 

TO FIRE WITH LOVE

 

“And he [Laban] continued, Name the wages due from me and I will pay you.”

(Genesis 30:28)

 

In this week’s portion, Jacob quit his job.  For twenty years he had served as a shepherd for his father-in-law Laban.  He accused Laban of constantly changing his wages and other unfair labor practices.  Ultimately, Jacob wanted to leave his father-in-law and return with his wives and children to his homeland.

Jacob had an economic value for his father-in-law.  Most of us will leave a job when we believe we are not being paid our economic value in the open market.  Frequently people who are struggling financially come to me for counseling.  Such financial problems threaten their dignity, and sometimes they threaten their marriage.  I will ask people about their jobs, and then discuss what they can do to increase their economic value in the workplace.  Perhaps more education, learning new skills, taking on more responsibilities, moving into management, can help someone improve their economic value.

Recently we had to fire someone from employment here in the synagogue.  It is particularly painful, because as a house of God, we are concerned about people’s feelings and their dignity.  However, as an institution which must be fiscally responsible to its members, we have to look at the economic value each employee gives our organization.  We sometimes must let someone go when their economic value is less than the cost of keeping them on staff.  No organization can afford to keep people on staff who do not provide enough economic value.

Every human being has an economic value.  What are they worth in the marketplace?  According to the Talmud, it is the task of parents to teach their children a trade, so they grow up with a certain economic value in the marketplace.  “R. Judah said, a father who does not teach his son a trade teaches him to be a thief.”  (Kiddushin 29a)  Often our self worth is directly linked to our economic worth.   The more we see that we are worth in the marketplace, the better we feel about ourselves.

However, one of the most profound teachings of our tradition is that every human being has an intrinsic value, regardless of their economic value.  This value has nothing to do with our job or our career.  It is a value based on the fact that we are humans, created in God’s image.  We have such a value whether we are working or unemployed, whether we are male or female, whether we are children or elderly, whether we are retired or disabled, whether we receive pay or not.  Nobody can take away from that basic human value.

There is a story about a man who comes home from work each evening and reaches up onto the branches of a tree.  He then walks into the house.  Each morning he reaches up onto the tree again and then leaves for work.  His neighbor finally asks him what he is doing with the tree each evening and morning.  “When I come home each evenings I always feel such pressure and so many burdens from my job.  Before I go into the house, I hang all these burdens on the tree.  I then walk into the house not as a business person, but simply as a human being, as a husband, as a dad.  In my home my worth has nothing to do with my business.  Each morning when I go back to work, I take the burdens of my business back on my shoulder.  But do you know what?  In the morning they feel much lighter.”

We can lose our job but we cannot lose our dignity.  We are permitted to fire someone, but we must do so in a way that maintains that person=s fundamental human dignity.  That is the only way we can fire someone with love.

 

PARSHAT VAYETZE

(5762)

 

OUR NEEDS, OUR CHILDREN'S NEEDS

 

“She conceived again and bore a (fourth) son, and declared, This time I thank the Lord.  Therefore she named him Judah.”

(Genesis 29:35)

 

Jacob had two wives, Rachel and Leah.  Rachel was the beloved.  But only Leah seemed to be blessed by children.  She was the fertile but unloved wife.

Leah prayed that by having children she would finally win over her husband's affections.  She bore a first son and named him Reuben, based on the Hebrew phrase, “The Lord has seen my affliction, now my husband will love me.”  She bore a second son and named him Simeon, based on the Hebrew phrase, “This is because the Lord heard that I was unloved.”  She bore a third son and named him Levi based on the Hebrew phrase, “This time my husband will become attached to me, for I have born him three sons.”

Three times Leah had children for the purpose of winning her husband’s affections.  And three times her husband did not respond.  None of these three children, born to fulfill their mother’s needs, was to become a leader of the people Israel.

Then a fourth son was born.  This one had no special task and no particular need to fulfill in his mother’s life.  He was simply called Judah from the Hebrew word meaning “thank you.”  This son was loved and appreciated for his own sake.  His birth expressed gratitude.  Judah went on to become a leader among his brothers.  Today we are called Jews, continuing to carry on his name.

There are two reasons people have children.  Some have children to fulfill a need within them.  They may want the child to save their marriage.  They may want a child to fulfill an unfinished dream, to be the football player or physician or astronaut they could never be.  They may have children because they are lonely and unhappy, and in need of someone to love them.  Or they may have children to show the world that they are a wonderful mother and father.  Such parents are focused on what they need.

On the other hand, some parents have children without any expectations of the children fulfilling their own needs.  They recognize their children as unique beings with their own missions and their own life destinies.  Parents are there to guide them and help them find their path, and then let them go.  Such parents are focused on their children=s needs.  And they can say thank you for the privilege of being allowed to raise their children.

Which children are most likely to succeed in life?  In our portion the most successful child was the one named not for what he could do for the mother, but for his own sake.  It is a message that parents do not own their children and children are not born to fulfill their parents needs.

This thought is perhaps best expressed by the Lebanese philosopher and poet Khalil Gibran:  "And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, `Speak to us of children.'

"And he said, `Your children are not your children.  They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.  They came through you but not from you, And though they are with you they belong not to you.'

"`You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts.  You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.  You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.  For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”

 

PARSHAT VAYETZE

(5761)

 

WHERE IS GOD?

 

“Surely the Lord is present in this place and I knew it not.”

(Genesis 28:16)

 

Jacob, fleeing from his brother Essau, had a dream.  A ladder was resting on the ground with its top in the heavens.  Angels of God were ascending and descending the ladder.  Jacob awoke from his dream and cried out, “God was in this place and I knew it not.”  He called that place on the border of the land of Canaan, Beit El meaning the House of God.

How often is God in a place and we do not even see God’s presence?  Sometimes it takes a dream, an experience, a miracle, a moment of revelation to know that God is here.  We see nothing but an empty material world, then suddenly, we feel the presence of God.  It is almost like radio waves; we know they are there, but without a receiver we cannot tune them in.  So too with God, we know there is a spiritual presence if only we can find how to tune in.

One of the questions children always ask me is, where is God?  Does God actually have a physical place to dwell?  Children may picture God as dwelling in the sky somewhere, an old man with a beard.  As adults we are ready for a more sophisticated view of God. 

God does not live in any place.  In fact God is outside of space, like God is outside of time.  God is called in Hebrew HaMakom which simply means the Space.  God is not within space; if anything, space is within God.  In fact, when Solomon built the great Temple in Jerusalem, he prayed to God, “But will God really dwell on earth?  Even the heavens to their uttermost reaches cannot contain You, how much less this House that I have built.”  (1 Kings 8:27)  God is beyond our conception of space.

 In Hebrew the word olam means eternity, all of space and all of time.  (These words entered the Jewish vocabulary long before Einstein discovered that space and time are really one.)  As we sing at the end of Shabbat morning services, God is Adon Olam, literally The Master of Eternity.  God was there before there was space or time.  God literally dwells outside the physical three dimensions we call space.  Or as I often teach, God dwells in separate spiritual dimension, beyond space and beyond time.

So we return to our question, where is God?   How can we mortals, who live in a universe of space and time, possibly relate to an entity who lives outside of space and outside of time?  How could Jacob have seen God in a particular space?  And perhaps more important, how can we moderns who often feel that God is hiding, feel God’s presence?  How can we tune in?  How can we find the space where God dwells?

To search for an answer, we must turn briefly to Kabbalah, the great Jewish mystical tradition which has recently been rediscovered by so many Jews.  Kabbalah teaches that God’s presence once filled all existence.  In fact, there was no place for anything but God.  To create a universe and make room for anything else, God had to literally compress Himself.  In a notion called tzimtzum, God contracted within Himself.  In doing so, God left behind divine sparks.  It is these divine sparks which fill the physical world.

According to the mystics, it is our job as humans to uncover and raise up the divine sparks which God left everywhere.  We have the power to bring out God in any space in the world.  Through our actions, we can bring forth God in any space and in any time.  Potential holiness lies everywhere, and we humans have been given the ability to release the divine sparks.  Or to use the language of kabbalah, we humans can literally bring the Shekinah (God’s indwelling in the physical world) to every place we desire.

This is an empowering understanding of God.  We humans have the ability to bring God into the world.  We do it through our prayers, through our mitzvot, through deeds of loving kindness, through Torah study.  We do it through every small act that makes this world a little better.  Our actions can affect God. 

Perhaps the Kotzker Rebbe put it best.  “Where is God?”  he asked, “Wherever human beings let Him in.”

When we look out into the world and do not see God’s presence, we should stop asking the question “Where is God?  Why is God hiding?”  Instead we should ask, “What can I do to release some divine sparks, and bring God’s presence into this place.”  Then like Jacob, we can truly say, “Surely the Lord is present in this place and I knew it not.”